Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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