You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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