the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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