my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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