That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
