i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
