My cat gives me a boner
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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