Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
