Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
