The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
