ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
