The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
