I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
