my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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