I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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