I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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