I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
