And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
