I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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