I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize