Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
