my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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