i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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