So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
