evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
