LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to make out with him forever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
