i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.