Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...