dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct