Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.