Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.