I wanna bring you to show and tell
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.