Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.