Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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