So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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