I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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