Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
