Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So. Much. Porn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
