I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
