Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
