I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
