Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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