I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize