Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
