oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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