flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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