Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
