I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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