my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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