So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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