Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
