You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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