brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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