We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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