Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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