dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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