Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
