wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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