Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
