So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos