found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook