Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Randomize
Follow @tfln