Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo

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  (201): One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo http://tfl.nu/izrq
  Replies (16) Good night (4882) Bad night (782)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!

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  (832): Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation! http://tfl.nu/fp0i
  Replies (13) Good night (4679) Bad night (595)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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  (412): You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night. http://tfl.nu/f2ed
  Replies (14) Good night (7398) Bad night (767)
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  (530): View more from California

  I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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  (530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw
  Replies (62) Good night (6707) Bad night (831)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us

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  (919): CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us http://tfl.nu/dd67
  Replies (80) Good night (3537) Bad night (4688)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.

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  (316): I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8zh1
  Replies (41) Good night (5980) Bad night (1706)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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  (812): Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/nr1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1993) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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  (773): after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown http://tfl.nu/azzf
  Replies (7) Good night (883) Bad night (1278)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live

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  (954): And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live http://tfl.nu/94h1
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (698)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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  (215): i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out http://tfl.nu/4dk0
  Replies (13) Good night (749) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.

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  (423): I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings. http://tfl.nu/2rp0
  Replies (5) Good night (1576) Bad night (375)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder

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  (317): So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder http://tfl.nu/lnpc
  Replies (0) Good night (312) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.

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  (330): He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success. (216): Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail. http://tfl.nu/s5vp
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent

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  (201): Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent http://tfl.nu/dpc9
  Replies (5) Good night (862) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.

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  (920): I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope. http://tfl.nu/g0eb
  Replies (3) Good night (305) Bad night (517)

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