Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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