so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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