i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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