would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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