Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
