So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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