So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
