some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
