you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
