By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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