im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
