We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
