Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
