Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just invented taco cereal.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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