At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
