Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
