Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
