Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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