Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
