it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
