he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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