using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My balls are so social today.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
