I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
