kristin has been a bad kristin
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
