Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
