Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
