I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
