i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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