no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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