I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
